Psychosis Log

Recollecting to the best of my ability the times I’ve been in psychosis.

    On a daily basis

Paranoid delusions and hallucinations. I feel and see people staring at me at the corner of my sight. They watch my every move, my appearance, they judge me or make fun of me. They are not in reality looking at me. If people laugh nearby I think they are laughing at me. I begin getting thoughts that they are out to get me, hurt me, kill me. It terrifies me being outside and forces me to stare at the ground so I don’t see faces.

Excessive daydreaming and dissociation. Happening with increasing frequency since symptoms began. I get lost in my own thoughts, either intrusive thoughts, future scenarios, 'what would happen,' or just blank. Happens at home, in class, while driving.

    

    Couple times a week

Trance episodes where I lay in weird positions, begin doing noises, and hear noises and voices or have conversations with them. I can’t snap out of it easily, goes on for minutes.

August 2024

     Friday 2nd

Trance-like episode. Laid in awkward position, couldn't move.

    Monday 26th

Saw the interior of a ‘bicycle?’ shop, very dim. A person was telling me to do something very immoral, like hit someone, but can’t exactly remember what. 45 minutes in a trance.

At night. I began seeing the interior of a shopping mall, my perspective was standing in the center of a round area. I began hearing many voices overlapping and other shopping mall sounds. I was getting overwhelmed with all the noise. Every now and then, a black figure would appear in front of me and say something terrifying which made me spasm. Can’t remember what. Later drew the experience during another trance-like episode.

    Friday 30th

Trance-like episode. Drew my vision during the shopping mall hallucination. On the opposite side of the page I wrote many instances in which I see the number 133 in my life. Also drew a very involved, subdivided grid pattern.

September 2024

    Sunday 22nd

Words on a page turned briefly into “Schizophrenia.” Lasted for a couple blinks. Paragraphs maintained their structure.

    Wednesday 25th

Heard a rolling chair being dragged outside of my room, was alone and the only such chair in the house was in my room.

    Thursday 26th

Trance-like episode. Laid on couch in a very awkward position. Arms fell asleep.

November 2024

    Saturday 23rd

Voice narrating my every move in the kitchen. “She is organizing the dishes in the sink,” “She is scrubbing the plate,” “She is organizing the dried dishes on the counter, so weird,” “Now she is cutting the tomato.”

     Thursday 28th

Voice tried to convince me there is no point in being alive while crying. Convinced one of my second-hand books has a curse; looked through every single page for demonic drawings.

    Friday 29th

High-pitched voices telling me over and over “You’re schizophrenic, you’re schizophrenic!” I can’t handle them anymore.

December 2024

    Monday 2nd

Voice whispered “Don’t” after taking off headphones.

    Week 9-13

Voices constantly narrating every single of my actions, they made fun of me and said that what I do is weird.

January 2025

    Sunday 5th

Spoke to someone aloud, aunt told me she heard me talking when no one was there.

Stopped

Auditory command hallucinations telling me to hurt myself on a daily basis for the two weeks before my hospitalization.

Camera hallucination which followed me around. I would talk to it and interact with the viewers behind. Stopped as I began taking the antipsychotic.