Naoko’s Trans Log

On February 25th, 2021 I turned 16. And it was around this time that I started feeling very uncomfortable about being a girl trying to act like a boy. My family frequently complimented me about my deep voice, my broadening shoulders, and my facial hair starting to appear. I felt terrible and decided I needed to say something; I set myself the goal of coming out to my mother by the end of March, the trans day of visibility. Unfortunately, I was so afraid of what my mom would say that I decided not to tell her in person, I would tell her in a letter instead. The month went by and I simply couldn’t do it, I didn’t have the courage and was too scared. I had no idea what was her opinion of LGBT people, so I didn’t know what to expect. Months later on September 1st, 2021, I decided what I wanted my name to be, Naoko, a Japanese name that means “well-behaved, straight.” At this point I had kept the letter in my room without being able to hand it to my mom until finally, on September 12th I le...

I will begin by talking about how I first discovered I was trans. As dumb as it may sound, I didn't know what a trans person was back when I was 15. I felt different from the boys. I didn't like how they behaved, I didn't play as intensely as they did, I preferred spending time with the girls. Most notably, I felt that discrepancy between my sex, birth certificate, and term of address people used for me—all of which I thought were hard-coded—and what I truly felt I was. Years back I had tried cross-dressing, and when lunch break was over at school, I lined up with the girls—instead of with the boys—to go to our next class. Despite all that, I was unable to put my finger on what I was feeling. It wasn't until I was watching a video about the making of “ Attack of the Petscii Robots ,” an 8-bit video game, that I finally had an answer. A familiar-looking person started presenting the creation process for the soundtrack. I started wondering where I had seen her before. Whe...

Hello! And welcome to my blog, where I will write about my experiences as a trans woman and a college student abroad, through my diagnosis of autism, a hospitalization, psychosis, and much more. Through these stories, should someone find them similar to theirs, I hope to help them see that they are not alone. This "Trans Log" is more than a place to share moments. I intend to foster a community where we support each other in our journey to self-discovery, expression, and mental well-being. I appreciate you joining me, and I hope you all can find comfort in this community! P.S. I began writing on a personal blog in 2021 as a way to remember the past, intending to someday make it public, however that never happened, until now. I truly believe there is value in sharing my journey, which is compiled in over 75 posts and still ongoing. I will begin posting here in chronological order using the original dates from my private blog. My first posts will be compilations of my earliest ...