Trans Discussion Group

I’ve missed writing so many things, I didn’t feel like writing over the semester.

So, over at college, there is a discussion group every Thursday for trans students! I’ve been wanting to meet other trans people ever since I came out, I never really met or even saw another person like me.

So, I went to the first meeting, but it was a bit awkward. I stumbled a lot while presenting myself and talking. I ended up just sitting there. I experience this frequently; it is called being situationally mute. In certain environments, I simply cannot talk, like in class, even if I know the answer to teachers’ questions, most of the time I go numb and can’t get a word out.

I was way too nervous, even though they said there was no pressure for me to talk in the meetings. I went to another two meetings, and the same happened. It was nice to attend, but I ultimately realized that I was different from everyone there regarding the way I express my transness.

I’ve always identified as highly feminine, and that has been my goal throughout my transition. So I put a lot of effort into making sure my skin is smooth and without hair, and I also police my voice a lot. Most of them identify somewhere outside the binary or have a gender expression in which they just don’t care to appease other people like doing the actions I described. And I get it, I’ve felt that way sometimes, but I find that I feel discomfort and dysphoria when I don’t do those things.

So I stopped going as I didn’t feel comfortable.