High School

Okay, well, now it’s been a very long time.

I really haven’t felt any inspiration to write here, but it’s coming back.

So, I started my senior year of high school in the US. The building was overwhelming at first, I couldn’t find my classrooms. I decided to walk around the school, I even used a compass, to orient myself. I made a nice map of where I had to take each class.

The first day passed, then the first week, and I had no friends yet.

I was placed in classes mostly filled with freshmen and juniors, I only share a single class with seniors. At first, I thought this was the reason I couldn’t make any friends—foreshadowing.

One interesting thing I discovered is that I was not as dumb as I thought I would look like compared to people here. Many literally don’t even try to pay attention and get things done.

In terms of what the school looks like, I started to make the next comparison:

• Mexican public high school - 1
• Mexican private high school - 2
• US public high school - 2
• US private high school - 3

It's pretty nice and large, with projectors and Chromebooks, a big gym and field, it's pretty cool.

Anyways, thinking about the pandemic, and how I ruined my grades by not turning things in remotely, I vowed to fix that this year. I promised myself that I would not miss a single assignment ever.

After seeing how good my grades turned out with this promise—I got into the High Honors in the first semester—I decided I would achieve the same in the second.

Everyone stares at me, it might be in my head, but I sometimes look up to see their face, and they keep staring. With an expression that I can’t decipher, it’s like neutral, but mean.

I joined the GSA club. On our first meeting, we introduced ourselves, I stuttered a bit. I learned that the vice president was a senior called Graham. They came in late, but when they introduced themself, I learned they are bi. I immediately felt something, like I felt we could be together. I didn’t share any classes with Graham, I only saw them on the bus, and sometimes during recess. I wanted to tell them that I liked them, but I could never do it. Plus I wanted to actually know them. So I just smiled at them. Graham would not smile back, but after a while, they started seeking me out with their sight and then I would smile. I eventually gave up. I stopped going to GSA to avoid seeing them, and I have been avoiding eye contact.

At first I sat outside in the stands. It was great, I couldn’t take in how massive the field was. But when the weather turned cold I started sitting inside. I sat at the first available seat I saw coming up the stairs. A guy sat on the next bench. I later found out that his name is Evan. I didn’t talk to him, and he didn’t talk to me. Months went by and it was the same situation. One day one of Evan’a friends pointed out that we always sit there but we had never talked to each other. He then said, “she seems nice,” and “she has nice hair.” To what Evan responded, “shut up, shut up, shut uuup.” It was very funny to me.

And it was especially nice to know that someone actually liked my hair. I struggle with my hair a lot, I am always trying to get it out of my face. And so, from touching it so much, it actually starts looking bad. But not really, it’s all in my head. I always come home and look in the mirror, and my hair looks fine! I don’t know why I can’t understand that.

When it’s time to create a presentation or any visual, I put a lot of effort into it. This year I have made some of the best presentations ever. Truth is that it mostly goes unnoticed. My grades are very high, everything I do is very creative, and most importantly, I do everything I’m asked, and more! And still, people who don’t hand in things, who misbehave, or play sports seem to be more popular with the teachers.

Right now, graduation is a month away, and actual classes end in a week. I didn’t make a single friend. I probably went entire days without speaking a single word to anyone. But I will graduate with straight A’s in all my subjects! My algebra grade is 104%!! And my overall percentage seems to be around 98, I had never achieved such a performance. I was never a bad student, but I could never score better than 91. My mum would always push me to do better, but I couldn’t. And now, completely unaware of my promise I wrote above, she always tells me that is the school that is flawed, and not me who is doing the effort. That really hurts, but I try to ignore it. I take great pride in what I have achieved, even if it’s only worth something to me.

I’m just expecting college to be different. (In the social side of things.)